| Over 26 and on the Bus? You Fail at Life! |
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| Written by John Monday | |
| Friday, 16 November 2007 | |
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Oh Misses Thatch how we miss you. Nearly Twenty years after your unforgettable little homily, your words still resound with the force of argument and compassion they always possessed: Absolutely...Fuck...All... Don't get me wrong, this is no crusade against a divisive political figurine of old, rather it is a tirade against the sentiments she cruelly cackled and the legacy of ingrained hatred for the lower classes she managed to penetrate further into the publics mind, and even curiously most among the lower classes themselves...
One day, way back when, there was suddenly no refreshing milk in a crappy carton at lunch-times anymore. It wasn't a big deal, no-one said anything, but I was sincerely miffed that first time without. A 'touch' had disappeared, like the 'touch' of peanuts on an airplane, or the nuclear flannel handed to you between courses at Indian Restaurants. Something pleasant, reliable and safe had disappeared without explanation. No-one asked us. No one cared too much, Thatcher had snatched the milk, it was belt tightening, the state was too big apparently, not big enough for a politicians pay-cut though... So I'm 26 now, and I'm almost over having my free government milk snatched away from me back in primary school. I've since failed my driving test five times and am out of time to qualify within Thatcher's definition of success...I have conclusively and irrevocably failed at life. This, is not really an inspiring observation. On the periphery of societal status, I feel relieved I'd failed, what with the insurance, tax, mot, car itself, and the unavoidable fines and continual risk of death, I'm quite happy for the journey to take a bit longer, and to smugly sit on my bum, letting someone else drive whilst feeling pretty 'environmental' about it all. In the year of our Lord 2007 however, we have a 'Government' propagandizing the polar opposite. Driving is discouraged more then raping your best friends three year old sister. Congestion charges, tolls, endless taxes, speed cameras, traps, and variable speed limits have all conspired to make motorists feel like enemies of the state. The attitude of Thatcher however, amongst her generation of children whose milk she snatched back in the long, long ago, still lives on. Especially for men, if you cannot drive, particularly the older you get you might as well lop several inches of your penis. Such is the intrinsic co-dependency of manliness and the ability to drive. Because it's freedom after all isn't it? That's what we long for, a place to hide from family, a quick drive to a takeaway, doing lifts for favours and hanging round with friends in the warm instead of the streets. As time moves on this freedom will come to less and less of the people, the price and market mechanisms doing the dirty work of the Gentry: getting the filthy commoners off the roads. What Thatcher stated or didn't state about being on the bus over 26, is of no relevance to the core of all this abstract pondering, it is the sentiment not the semantics I despise above all. In life, of course there are and always will be losers and winners, but shallow and materialistic criteria, however, such as simply taking the bus post twenty-six years old, speaks more about the person making the statement then the people the statement is obviously aiming to patronise. To bring this back to the personal, I shall be taking my test (#6) in February. I still don't wish to drive as an everyday thing whether I pass or not, it is the skill I am interested in mainly. Pretty soon though, the way Thatcher's one time Nemesis: Good Old Red Ken is running things in this City, I won't be able to afford to take the bus, let alone run a car. Above all though, Win or Lose the driving test, I will never allow other people to define my consciousness of what my life is about, and who it is for, and when I will feel successful, because right now, with no job, no car, no place of my own, I can still feel successful. Why you may ask? I found my peace of mind, and I'm on a path I adore rather then one that just 'looks good' to the outside world. As Oscar Wilde said: "The aim of life is self-development. To realize one's nature perfectly", and I cannot disagree at all. However, Mr Wilde also said: (and this is indicative of the pitiful root nature of the Thatcher sentiment, with which I cannot agree at all.) "The only thing that sustains one through life is the consciousness of the immense inferiority of everybody else, and this is a feeling that I have always cultivated". ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Addendum: Concrete attribution of the quote of Margaret Thatcher: "A man who, beyond the age of 26, finds himself on a bus can count himself as a failure" is not possible. I believe she believes it, on assessment of her character alone, but whether she said it or not, she did share the sufficient consumeristic bent to share the sentiment, despite the below explication from: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Margaret_Thatcher#Misquotations "According to a letter to the Daily Telegraph by Alistair Cooke on 2 November 2006, this sentiment originated with Loelia Ponsonby, one of the wives of 2nd Duke of Westminster who said "Anybody seen in a bus over the age of 30 has been a failure in life". There is no solid evidence that Margaret Thatcher ever quoted this statement with approval, or indeed shared the sentiment." I continued with this article owing to the fact that this quote is the most powerful I can recall, that is embedded in the Collective Consciousness concerning materialism as a marker of success or failure. My gratitude and apologies to the venerable Miss Thatch, for her serving as my strawman in this piece, as I am aware it is most unkind to make fun of the dead. On a final, final completely inconsequential note, I once worked in the hotel owned by a probable relative of this "Ponsonby" character above, such little coincidences...        |
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